In the 1990s I was studying to be an Interfaith minister and I attended many different spiritual, religious, and psychological trainings. One that greatly impressed me was something called “The Work” developed by Byron Katie. I did some ‘work’ with her and found it very, very useful.
She describes what she created as a process of self inquiry. She states in her book, Loving What Is, that all suffering is caused by believing your stressful thoughts. You believe that they’re real. You get upset about something, so of course it’s real. She had an epiphany one day and began to question her beliefs.
Let me say this first. We have lots of ‘issues’. Oftentimes, as business people, we have to worry about getting things done, we have concerns about our customers or our employees. And our home life isn’t always peaches and cream. There always seem to be emergencies to deal with. How we handle them is going to be different for each one of us.
Some of us tend to hit the panic button all too easily. If you feel like you’re just getting along, everything is so so and you lack joy, you lack focus, you lack inspiration, or a sense of purpose, then it might be a good idea to look into some of the multitudinous self help techniques and methods there are around.
Now of course you know I’m here to help you deal with stress. I’m the queen of stress after so many years of training in various modalities. I’ve undertaken my own deep introspection using my Morning Method which is the perfect aid in finding out what’s really going on inside of us but there are many other ways. You need to find the one that works for you. Byron Katie is worthy of consideration.
So today let’s get a taste of Byron’s work to see what it’s like. I want you to take a moment to just sit and clear the decks of everything else that’s going on for the moment. And if you can’t do this now then come back later and read this again. Alright! Assuming you can let go of all distractions right now and clear your mind, focus on something that’s been troubling you. You’ve probably thought of it already, some person or issue that you’re having. Now that you’ve got that, I’m going to give you a sentence where you fill-in-the-blank. Then I’m going to ask you 4 questions relative to the sentence that you’re going to create. If you have a pen and a paper, that would be helpful.
Here’s the sentence:
I am _____ (emotion- angry, afraid, sad, anxious)
with/about______ (name of the person/situation)
because________________ (why are you feeling that way.)
I’ll give you an example: “I’m angry with Joe, because he lied to me.” There’s the emotion, there’s the name of the person. And then there’s the reason why.
So you’ve got the person in your mind. This is a very powerful technique if you really focus in and give yourself a chance to immerse yourself in what you’re feeling. You have your sentence. Now I’m going to ask you the 4 questions. So the first question is,
“Is it true? Do you really know this is true?”
And the answer is either yes or no.
If you said no, you can skip the next question.
If you said yes, here’s the next question:
“Can you absolutely know that it’s true, without a question or a doubt in your mind?” And I really want you to be honest with yourself, when you answer that question.
Here’s the third question:
“How do you react, or what happens when you believe this thought?” ( It’s a thought, right? I am angry at Joe because he lied to me, is a thought. That’s all it is, a thought.
Well, I might say, yeah it’s true because I’m angry. So okay, it’s true. But when I ask myself, Is it really true? In other words, can I absolutely know that it’s true, then I have to look at it, and say, “There are some things about it that I might have a doubt about.”
So that’s what you want to do. You want to dissect that emotion and that experience with that person.
And the fourth question is:
“Who or what would you be without this thought?” So who or what would you be without this thought that I am angry at Joe because he lied to me, or whatever your sentence is. Who or what would I be without that thought? Imagine the possibilities!!
This is really deep stuff, and you have to have a certain willingness to investigate yourself and your own motives to do this work, but it is incredibly rewarding because it breaks open a lot of resistance that you have to your happiness, to your success, to your abundance. We’ve been talking about your Abundance Mentality for many weeks. And this is one of the things that will help you to unlock the key to really moving forward toward a sense of your abundance – to putting it out there and feeling it and knowing that you deserve it and knowing it’s right for you.
Now that you’ve thought about these questions and you’ve answered them to the best of your ability, let’s see if we can turn it around. How can you turn around this sentence, “I am angry at Joe because he lied to me?”
I could turn it around and say, “I’m not angry at Joe, because he lied to me.” That’s one way I could turn it around.
Another way could be, “I lied to Joe.” Whoo. Now there’s a kicker right? (Amazing new awareness can come from this inquiry.)
There are a lot of possibilities here and of course, only you will know which one is meaningful for you. Okay, so there’s the turnaround on that sentence. I’m not suggesting this is the only, or correct answer. There are so many sides to every belief we have.
Now, turn your sentence around. Play with different angles and see what breakthroughs may come!
We just scratched the surface of Byron’s program but this is basically the way it works. You can go to her website which is www.thework.com. Check it out!
I wanted to share this with you because, again, there are so many ways for you to handle your stress, your lack of confidence, your anxiousness over certain issues, and even though I teach a specific way that works for me and my clients, I do feel it’s important to offer other suggestions as well.
I’ve been doing this all along, right? Giving you lots and lots of ideas that you can take into your heart and see which is singing to you, what has meaning for you because I want to see you succeed. because we deserve it!
But keep in mind, if you are feeling really great stress, if you’re deeply depressed, if you’re extremely anxious, or you’re going through severe mood swings, you really should get professional help. Please don’t try to go it alone.
Peace and Love Always,
I always tell you that I’m here for you because I want you to know that you have all the answers that you need within you, even if the answer you get is, “Go get help from so and so.” That answer will send you in the right direction so you can be the calm, creative, joyful and successful businesswoman you are meant to be!
By now I hope you know that I teach busy businesswomen how to start the day with intention and an Abundant Mentality. If you would like to have a 30-minute chat with me to uncover some of the blocks that are keeping you from the success that an abundant mentality will offer you, you will find my calendar here to set up a time.
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Everything Begins with a Thought
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