Creating a life of financial and emotional abundance is usually not a walk in the park. It takes effort, born of conviction in your right to have the good things, that evokes the energy for success.
It’s extremely important to be on the lookout for when you are undermining yourself. This is easier said than done. Our egos find it difficult to take personal responsibility when things go sideways. The tendency is to blame somebody else for your bad luck. “If he hadn’t done that, I’d be happy.” Is the ego’s refrain.
Is your glass full to the brim with beliefs such as
+ money is bad or hard to get,
+ marketing yourself is arrogant, (that’s what a lot of people think!)
+ the harder and longer you work, the more successful you’ll be. (And yet you’re working harder and longer and still haven’t seen the success you want.)
+ complaining and finding fault with yourself and others is unavoidable. (you can’t help it!)
+ your significant other should be able to read your mind and know what you need when you need it.
These are the kind of self-defeating thoughts that are keeping you back. They are deep seated. You are probably not even aware that you’re thinking them. They are your unconscious articles of faith.
If you said yes to even one of those statements, then we need to talk because believing any of those things, you will have no room in your glass to add joy and fulfillment to your beverage. And as a result, you will continue to drink the bitter brew of unhappiness and unfulfilled desires.
Society’s attitude has taught us from the time we were little tiny things, to be on the look-out for danger. In the newspaper business they say, ‘If it bleeds, it leads.’ Front page headlines are always about some catastrophe or tragedy or horrible thing that happened because that’s what people want to see.
I think it’s because we‘re relieved when we can stand back and say, “That’s not me! I would never do that!” or, “That would never happen to me!” So we need to find a perpetrator to blame. We need to feel justified in our anger, disappointment and/or regret but taking responsibility for the situation is just too painful and embarrassing. So the perfect out is to find a victim and make hir the guilty party.
We love to complain and commiserate. I know how that feels. I mean, I’ve been there. I did that for many, many years. And then I realized one day, it didn’t feel good. And I didn’t want to keep doing it. I wanted to figure out how to stop. That’s been my journey over the decades–finding the tools and the means to stop the negativity, the blame, the refusal to be accountable. Because every time I focus on a problem or a difficulty that I’m having, and don’t seek a real resolution, what happens? It doesn’t go, that’s what happens. It’s, it’s ever present in my mind. And I can’t move on from there. So I hope you’re not in that position. And if you are, let’s continue to talk about this.
So last week, I asked you to start noticing the things around you, people, situations, whatever, that annoy you. I said to notice those things, become aware of them and write them down. When you write something down, you’re committing yourself to that awareness. And that’s really helpful. So I hope you were able to do it. If not, you can certainly do it this week and try it out. I’m betting that you’re going to find out how often you have negative, scary thoughts, how often you’re feeling victimized and abused. And that’s not a good place to be, it’s not going to help you to move ahead and accomplish your goals.
It does take, I’ll admit this, it takes concentrated honesty, if you really want to uncover the insights that will turn up that will bring about actual change.
I’m going to ask you some questions now and I want you to write these down and give them serious thought.
- Are you taking care of yourself, your self with a capital S? I say capital S because it’s your greater self, the self that is not just your little body sitting here in the chair. It’s the self who is part of the larger world outside of you and has broad and wide connections.
What do I mean by taking care? You may be saying, “Yeah, I pay my taxes. Yeah, I get my teeth cleaned. Yeah, I talk to my friends.” Okay, that’s all good. Please get your teeth cleaned, pay your taxes, very important. But that’s not what I’m talking about.
What I really want you to think about is how important you are, and how important it is for you to honor your needs above all else, initially. I’m not saying be selfish. It doesn’t mean you don’t take care of others, your family and your business associates. It doesn’t mean that at all. But it does mean you start here with ‘moi’. Because if you don’t start with yourself, you won’t be truly effective for anybody else. And of course, I have ways of helping you do that.
- How much of the day are you at work, actually working? Whatever it may be: making phone calls, talking to business associates, creating a product. And how much of the day are you avoiding work? How much do you get distracted, drop what you’re doing and rush off?
In other words, how much time are you actually engaged in meaningful work that’s taking your business to the next level, or keeping your business running smoothly. And the reason I’m asking that is because of the third question I’m going to ask you.
- Are you in a business that you feel passionate about? Are you loving your business? Do you love what you do? Do you love your customers? Do you love your clients? Do you love your business associates? Do you love your employees? Do you enjoy going to work every day?
Now that may seem like a stupid question, because you say, “Well, this is my business. Of course I have to like it.” But that’s not what I’m asking you. Of course, you have to make money, you have to put a roof over your head. That goes without saying, but are you loving what you’re doing? This is a really tough question. I get it. Please think about it. I’m not saying to do anything. I’m just saying think about these questions.
- The last question for today, because I’m always asking questions, (I am the nosiest thing in the world!) is do you have achievable goals written down? goals written down? Do you have goals written down–achievable ones?
Not, “I’m going to make $3 million next month. No, not some pie in the sky crazy idea. But something that you know you can achieve if you keep working at it, if you really put in the time and the energy without killing yourself, of course. You know you can get this done.
You can make up a million excuses why you don’t have to do stuff. And that will definitely not be conducive to good, enduring business.
So that’s my four questions. And what I want you to do, if at all possible, is get yourself a notebook. Put each question at the top of a fresh page. And then start writing. You don’t have to do them all in one day, please, that’s too much. Do it, one a day over this next week, and see what comes out of it.
The problem is we’re so outer-directed that we don’t take the time to ask ourselves the important questions in life and then listen to our inner wisdom which will help us find the answers we need to have joy in our family and our businesses.
So it’s essential that you give yourself the space to write down what you ’hear’ internally. Now, you’re not writing a novel, you’re not writing a documentary, you are simply writing your own thoughts about that question. And as I said, it’s going to take a great deal of honesty to do this well. But, believe me, if you do this, I can’t begin to tell you the difference that you’re going to experience in your personal life and in your business life both, because we are multifunctional beings, are we not?
And so whatever affects one thing is going to affect another. A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about Indra’s net- a Hindu concept from ancient writings. The net is an analogy for God’s mind which is spread out across the universe. And at each intersection of the net is a sparkling jewel, and each jewel’s light reaches the next intersection, and that jewel lights up the next intersection. In other words, the light spreads across the entire net, which is this world, and so on and so forth.
So, you want to start with YOU. And again, it’s not being selfish, it’s being what I call self-full. When you are self-full, you are working from your deepest, most powerful self, which is interconnected with all these other things, beings and situations. And you’ll see synchronicities start to occur. Creative new thoughts will light you up. I could go on and on about this, but I am going to wrap it up for today.
By now of course, you know that I teach busy businesswomen how to start the day with intention and an Abundant Mentality. If you would like to have a 30 minute chat with me to uncover some of the blocks that are keeping you from this success that an abundant mentality will offer you, drop me an email.
Put in the subject line, “Chat” and then I will send you my calendar to set up a time.
Peace and Love Always,
Everything Begins with a Thought
In my new book, Calm, Creative, Joyful: Lessons in Transforming Your Life, you will acquire abilities you didn’t know you had, to transform the thoughts that hurt so that your life becomes a play of endless opportunities for success and happiness.
Available on Amazon.
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